Getting To Know You

I saw what my doctor’s face looks like when she thinks I’m lying to her. I was in her office this morning and she asked if I exercised. I thought real hard about that question because I was sure there was something I do that is considered exercise. I have no remote, but then I also have no TV, so saying that I get up off the couch to change the TV station wouldn’t work. We kept looking at each other. I’d answered “Yes!” to the question, but then she made it harder by saying “What kind of exercise did I do?”

I finally remembered something and said, “I walk.”

There. That should satisfy her curiosity.

Then she asked “How often?”

I said, “Every day.” That’s when I saw that look of disbelief as the corners of her mouth turned up.

“Really?” she asked.

Why didn’t she believe me? Maybe it’s all these extra pounds I carry around . . . Oh . . . she thinks I don’t walk every day because I have so much weight. “I have this little dog . . . ” I began.

Then she smiled a genuine smile and nodded her head.

She said she’d like for me to exercise and to set a goal for my next appointment which will be in three months. “How much did I think I could lose in three months?” I looked at her. Yes, it was a serious question, at least from her point of view.

From my point of view, I’d lost ten pounds in the last year and I’d thought that was good. However, if I divided 12 into 10, that was less than a pound a month. Saying 2 to 3 pounds didn’t sound like something she’d want to hear.  I thought it in my head. “I can lose two to three pounds in three months”. No, that didn’t sound good.

We continued to look at each other. “You will feel so much better and your numbers will be so much better, if you lose some weight.” She smiled at me. “What weight loss goal do you want to set for the next three months?”

She was putting me on the spot. I had no idea. So I said that. “I have no idea. I’ve never tried to lose weight before. What do you think?”

She didn’t want to say. I could tell she wanted this to be my decision, but I was truly unable to pick a number, and she was running behind . . . so she suggested ten pounds. “Do you think you can lose ten pounds in three months?”

“I do, if you do,” I told her.

“Ok, then. We will put down that goal. Ten pounds in three months. Tell the front desk I want to see you back in three months.”

Trapped. I was trapped. “Ok,” I told her.

I was delighted to find out that three months is over before Christmas, so I can still pig out then. I love candy. I’m so old that I’m not denying myself anything anymore. If I want it, I’ll go ahead and have it.

When I got home, I already had an email from her. She sent a flowchart to record my weight on and a flowchart to record my length of exercise on. She had suggested that I swim thirty minutes four times a week. I guess I was to record my walking and my swimming. I went ahead and put down what I weighed this morning. I kept looking for a way to print out the chart for my use, but it wanted me to enter data on the site. It never did let me print it out, but it did have a save button. Then it told me it was saved to my medical chart. Oh, boy. It’s going to be an interesting three months.

female doctor: Female doctor wearing stethoscope, vector


About msplayful

I am someone who finds life humorous and often share my views with friends and co-workers. Since I've been told I should be a stand-up comedian, I thought I'd see how well I could do at writing funny things that happen, or that happen in my head.
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