Woe is Me!

Woe is Me!
by Blackie, the Black Dog

I made the mistake on Friday night of letting my human know how bad I truly felt. On Saturday morning I was told we were “going for a ride in the car”, which is usually a favorite activity, but today I wasn’t that interested. Still I was hoisted into the front seat and after a brief argument about who was driving (I mean, really, can’t she drive from where she always makes me sit???), we were on our way.
I quickly learned that the “ride in the car” was leading to the vet’s office and I was mad at the deception. I made my human think that I had to “go potty” and we wandered aimlessly around the grounds until she tired of my lies and tugged me into the vet’s office. The girl at the front asked who she had with her and in my state of annoyance, I asked if she could see or not?
My human said a few words and then we went to a chair to sit and wait. It wasn’t just one chair, but a group of three side by side. I hid between my human’s chair next to the wall in hopes that if the first girl couldn’t see me, the one who came to get me wouldn’t be able to see me either.
There was a hound dog who looked to be about half grown across the room. She howled and bayed and barked incessantly. I squirmed in my hidden position and my human said to ignore that dog – that dog didn’t know anymore than I knew. I took that to be an insult and yanked on the leash in an effort to get farther back into the corner.
The entrance door opened and another person walked in carrying a cat carrier. I felt the first glimmer of interest since we’d gotten there. I watched as the cat’s human looked around the waiting room and decided to sit on our side, as far away from the baying hound as she could get. Oh my gosh!!! she came and sat in one of the other three chairs in our section. Then she put the cat carrier in the floor! I leapt out from my hiding place and dashed towards it. What fun! Cat picnic! Could the cat get up enough momentum to “walk” the cat carrier towards the hound and then would I be able to keep up with it?
Blam! I hit the end of my leash and my human pulled me back towards her while apologizing to the cat’s owner, The cat’s owner laughed and said that was ok. I spent the rest of our waiting time trying to sneak up to the cat carrier by going behind the chairs. I never was able to get there.
I watched other pets be taken back to the dreadful place and wondered what was happening to them. Suddenly my usual vet came out and called my name. I ignored him, but my human stood up and dragged me over. They took me to the scales to get my weight before we went back, but they couldn’t make me stay on them! I refused to stand still. I turned around in circles. I did everything I could do not to be weighed. Finally the doctor said he had it – 36.4 pounds – and off we went to the dreadful rooms.
The room we entered had a loveseat, two chairs and an examination table that was folded up against the wall.The vet said a few words to my owner and then went out. He came back in with a contraption that looked like a rectangular mouse with a long tail, but no legs. He plugged the tail in the wall and then got my human to get down in the floor to hold me while he made the contraption make a terrible whirring noise. He instructed my human how to hold me while he shaved my front legs. He wanted to get my blood pressure. I squirmed, I backed up, I moved around as much as possible. Finally he got my legs shaved enough to suit him and the noise ended. He tried to hook me up to another machine, but it didn’t seem to suit him, so he left to get another one. I found a corner to hide in.
When he came back in with the second machine, he tried to fasten something around my front leg. The something had velcro on it. I moved my leg as much as possible to prevent this from happening, but he still got it on there. He had brought “reinforcements” in the form of a vet technician who got in the floor with my human and tried to hold me still. It took all three of them to check my blood pressure. He wrote it down, but said nothing.
Then he told the technician to take me to another room and express my anal glands. It felt better after that was done, but I didn’t like when they did it.
Back to the dreadful room where we waited again.
The vet came in shortly afterwards and pressed on my back where it hurts sometimes and said I had degenerative disc disease. He pressed some more and I turned around and snapped at him to let him know that was enough!
Out we went again while my human waited. I had a needle stuck in me to get blood and another stuck in my bladder to get urine. Finally I was carried back to the dreadful room. I tried to bypass it and go straight to the exit, but they insisted I go back in and wait some more.
The vet checked my teeth and said I had periodontal disease. He listened to my heart and said it sounded good. He left the room again.
He came back in with two pill bottles and told my human that one was for pain and inflammation and the other was an antibiotic. He will call her with the test results next week. The vet had given me two pills already and I was starting to feel better. I walked over and smelled his shoes before he left so I would know him when we meet again.
Because there was a large dog checking out, the vet had one of his receptionists come into the dreadful room and check us out. I do like to smack talk large dogs and when they talk back, my human gets upset. I guess that diversion wasn’t going to happen today.
We went for another “ride in the car” and when we got home, I ate, laid down and napped for hours. My human said she was exhausted! How did she think I felt?


About msplayful

I am someone who finds life humorous and often share my views with friends and co-workers. Since I've been told I should be a stand-up comedian, I thought I'd see how well I could do at writing funny things that happen, or that happen in my head.
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One Response to Woe is Me!

  1. Ralph says:

    Hi mate, Ralph here. Yep am totally with you on these Vets. I wish our Humans could experience it like us. Or else let us go to their doctors eh?

    Check out my last experience there a few months ago!




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