Come Any Closer and My Dog Will Bite

Saturday morning and I asked Blackie, my little dog, if she’d like to go for a walk? Would she!!! She began spinning in circles and wagging her tail. I stopped to grab a “poop bag” before I hooked up her leash.

She spent the first three or four minutes in my yard, and she walked around and peed and pooped and seemed to be having a nice time. Then we headed down the driveway. What was that? Three men in shirts and ties came strolling up the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Two of them stopped to knock on a neighbor’s door. I stood watching to see if my neighbor would bother to answer. Nope.

Blackie noticed the movement and then saw the three strangers. She began to tell them in no uncertain terms what she’d do if she could get to them! She barked and barked and barked! I heard my next-door neighbors’ two dogs that were inside her house – probably sleeping still – begin to bark. I told Blackie to “Hush!” “Be Quiet!” and I stroked her back and even tried to hold her mouth closed. She would have none of it. I must be BLIND if I couldn’t see what she perceived as danger. I tried to pull her back towards the house.

It was then that the third man ¬†ventured across the street and was walking towards me. He asked if he might speak with me a minute. Was HE blind??? Or deaf? Or didn’t he perceive Blackie to be the threat she was so blatantly presenting? I told him no. I said I could not talk to him with my dog there. Blackie continued to bark and share that she felt the same way. The neighbor’s two dogs began to bark again. The man continued to talk while walking slowly towards me. “BARK! BARK! BARK!” from three sources was all I could hear.

I told him I couldn’t hear him. He spoke more loudly and asked if he could leave something for me to read? I wondered how he planned to do that? If he got any closer and especially if he reached out his hand towards me, my dog would bite. She had convinced me of that in the last five or six minutes. What was so important that this man would risk getting bitten over? Nothing that I cared about. I shouted back that I didn’t want anything to read.

Blackie continued to bark. She worked herself into such a frenzy that one time she sat down hard as if her barks had made her back, arthritic legs go out from under her. I was getting angry. Who were these strangers wandering around the neighborhood waking up tired, sleeping folks and wanting to give us something to read? Were they Mormons? They usually came in twos and there were three of these guys. All of them had briefcases.

I was glad to see that third guy turn to walk away. He headed down the street towards the new neighbor’s house. She has two dogs and the are little yappy things. She wouldn’t be able to hear him either.

Blackie and I never did go for that walk. I think she enjoyed being outside anyway.


About msplayful

I am someone who finds life humorous and often share my views with friends and co-workers. Since I've been told I should be a stand-up comedian, I thought I'd see how well I could do at writing funny things that happen, or that happen in my head.
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