I have been sick for a week. I’ve missed 5 days of work. I’m going back today and try it again. That is one of my character traits – perseverance. I believe in that old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” I don’t give up. What is to be won, but that which you seek?
Somehow my body never got the memo. It has a mind of it’s own and when it gets sick, it just gives up. I tried to force it to go to work Monday. I’d been out Thursday and Friday as well as having Saturday and Sunday off. Surely it was well enough to go back to work. Let’s go! It rewarded me by getting very sick in the car just before I got to work. I did a U turn and went back home and called in sick. I called the doctor to complain. Her words floored me. “You need to stay home today and probably tomorrow.” What???? Didn’t she know how important I was at work? I needed to go to work. Then she added the clincher, “If you’re not better by Friday, come back.” What? Not better? What did she know that I didn’t know? I’d get better! I’d show her who was master of my body.
So Wednesday I stubbornly went to work and felt perfectly awful. Oh, My God! Why had I shown up? I wondered if I looked as bad as I felt? I heard they were taking pictures in the gym and stopped in to see how that was going and if I could help. Someone suggested I get my picture made. Today? The way I looked? Yeah, they always got theirs made no matter what. Ok. So I sat and had my picture made and she even took an extra one because I thought they all looked terrible, the best I could see . . . So now I will have photo evidence of that day to see what everyone else was seeing. I probably looked just fine and when I called in sick again Thursday, they thought I was kidding. I wasn’t.
So here it is Friday. I am trying to get ready to go to work. I AM going to work. I am sick and tired of my body betraying me. That’s what illness is – a body’s betrayal. Well, physical illness is a betrayal; I dare not delve into mental illness at this time. I have to stop this typing and go to work. I’m not even dressed yet, but having my breakfast while I write.
The idea occurred to me that the body’s sickness is a betrayal to its owner. No one wants to be sick, but when they get that way, there is nothing they can do about it. They may be surprised or dismayed, but they are stuck with the consequences of the illness. So today I am furious with my body which has betrayed me for a week.
I do not take kindly to betrayals. I will drop a person in a heartbeat – not see them again, I mean, not shoot them. In fight and flight, I choose flight. But I will flee from betrayal when it happens. And stay away forever. But there’s the contradiction. This betrayal I cannot escape. I’m taking it to work. Showing it who’s boss. Forging on. I hope I get through the day. I do feel better. Tomorrow is Saturday. I can continue to recuperate then. I am not contagious. We are going to work – my body and my mind.